Prior to creating this blog I had an email exchange with a couple friends of mine that I thought might be worth sharing. Here is my original email:
Bethany and I have been very careful with the media that we bring into our house. We haven’t had cable or satellite TV since Haven was born, we have been careful what DVDs we rent, and we try to live by the policy of “if its not good for our kids to see than its probably not good for us to see” (although we have broken that principal many times). However, when it comes to video games the only thing I have really limited from my kids is first-person-shooters. This weekend I was sitting in my office and Noble was playing a game of BFME with Canaan. He was saying things like:
I’m going to send my Nazgul to kill you
I’m going to use my wizard’s magic powers to destroy your armies
My trolls are more powerful than your goblins.
Anyway, I was sitting there thinking about verses from the Bible like:
1. Philippians 4:8 – Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.
2. Galatians 5:19-24 – 19 Now the deeds of the flesh are evident, which are: immorality, impurity, sensuality, 20 idolatry, sorcery, enmities, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, disputes, dissensions, factions, 21 envying, drunkenness, carousing, and things like these, of which I forewarn you, just as I have forewarned you, that those who practice such things will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law. 24 Now those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.
3. Proverbs 22:6 – Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
What I am struggling with is the balance between holiness and legalism. I don’t want to put any unnecessary burden on me or my family. However, I also don’t want to be deceived into thinking that I can honor God and still live as my passions (flesh) directs me. When I am honest with myself, games like BFME feed the “lust of the flesh, the pride of life, and the lust of the eyes”, they are filled with violence, sorcery, and evil characters. They are “fun” but am I honoring Christ as I play them:
1. 1 John 2:16 – For everything in the world–the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does–comes not from the Father but from the world.
2. Galatians 5:16 – So I say, live by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the sinful nature.
3. Ephesians 2:3 – All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our sinful nature and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature objects of wrath.
The question I am trying to answer for myself and that I believe your input could help me in coming to a reasonable conclusion is “What should the boundary be?” In other words, is AOE okay, but BFME is not? On what grounds? Are they both okay or both unwise? This question extends beyond electronic games and includes board games ranging from Chess to Dungeons and Dragons. What are the “triggers” or “characteristics” of “permissible” games versus games that dim the light of my witness and the sensitivity of my conscience to the Holy Spirit? I have witnessed over the years Christians playing every type of first person shooter and magical based rts game on the market, not to mention the pirating of copyrighted software as if there is nothing wrong with it. I am not trying to judge others; it is actually comparing myself to others that has made me think its ok to do those things. It is in comparing myself to scripture that I find myself lacking. I had a short conversation with Bethany about this topic and she is clearly and has been for some time completely against games like BFME and Starwars Galactic Battlegrounds for reasons similar to those stated above. I tried to argue the opposite position (since I enjoy these games and would like to continue playing them) and found myself saying things like:
1. I don’t want to not play just because of some weird kind of legalism and paranoia
2. The Bible has stories filled with violence and frequently describes sorcery and witchcraft
3. Those games aren’t inherently evil…there like money, its not evil on its own, its only what’s going on in your mind that can make it a tool for evil
4. Boys need an outlet….I had toy guns when I was a kid, its not that different
5. Etc, etc, etc….lots of not very convincing arguments
The reason I am so interested in your opinion is that you seem to be able to be objective and honest with yourself and you also seem to care. (( This is critically important to me, especially as I try to raise my children and be an example to them. As you evaluate the media you watch and the games you play, what criteria do you use to guide your decision regarding what you will and won’t watch/play? What is the logic behind your decision? Do you think it is a null issue? If so, why…it may help free me from further limiting my family’s media options. Do you think I have reason to be concerned? My goal at the end of this is to have a simple list of criteria for both me and my children. If a game or movie meets the criteria than we can play or watch it…if not, then we don’t. I am not even suggesting that all violence is necessarily bad…for example, Shindler’s List or some other movie on the holocaust might be acceptable but Transformers or other movies that glorify violence might not be,…or that all sorcery is evil…maybe Harry Potter is not permitted but Lord of the Rings is fine…but on what grounds? That is what I would like to clarify for myself. Would love your input….sorry for the long rant. Hopefully it all made sense. Hope you have time to respond, BoB
PS – In summary, if you had to make a “flow chart” of the decision process regarding entertainment choices (Movies, Games – both electronic and “old-fashioned”, Music, etc) and what you would or would not expose yourself too, what would it look like:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Flowchart
No one I originally sent this too liked the flowchart request….I wasn’t trying to create a list of “rules”..only guidelines. In other words, not a list of specific things that are evil or permitted or desirable…but simply a “what do you ask yourself when making decisions about entertainment” list of questions…apparently this request is upsetting to many people.
I will include the responses I received as comments to this post so you can see what others had to say. I am working on my “flowchart” and will post it here when I finish.
Dear Bob,
I Corinthians 10:23-26
“Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive. Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.
Eat anything sold in the meat market without raising questions of conscience, for, “The earth is the Lord’s, and everything in it.”
I refuse to do a flow chart and without apology. Your desire for a flow chart in some ways correlates with your desire to break down the workings of the heart “that is wicked and no one can know” down into a format or easily read chart that can be followed free from any real emotion, conviction and possibly without relational motivation. In the sripture above, everyone knows the first part but people rarely quote the second part following, “Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.” And people also rarely add the tag, “Eat anything in the meat market without raising questions of CONSCIENCE”
It all boils down to relationship. I would never endeavor to tell you what to do. I can tell you that if you decide to play BFME and have a lan party, then I’d be happy to eat that meat and will do so without raising question of conscience. I will come and I will bring my son Eli with me. Concerning any issue, my only request is to be careful what you make idols of and how far the law takes you. Even the Bible is worshipped among some believers as an idol and becomes more than the road map that is was intended for and instead an obstacle separating believers from the freedom they have in Christ through RELATIONSHIP. Don’t loose your freedom that you have in Christ to settle the concerns that you MAY have out of Fear and Lack of Faith. It is my experience that the greater the law abiding christian, the greater the lack of freedom and often times the greater the inability to engage in open, accepting, and life giving relationships…like saying, “You can eat my meat, but no way I’m eating yours…” Bubbles or religion begin to form around them only being able to accept and receive that which is within the bubble. The end of the chapter basically says, “whatever you do…eat…drink…video game….marriage…fatherhood, do all for the glory of God”. It’s his meat market anyway.
Whatever you decide, I’ll love you and respect your decision. Just remember… sometimes sheep learn how to build fences and with strong enough fences, a shepherd is no longer needed.
With great love,
Drew
P.S. I thought I did pretty good with keeping that short, thank you very much. You know me…if you need any elaborating, let me know.
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Long life story incoming… with a big ? to your question at the end… (just in case some of you don’t have time to read it all)
I realize that you have probably already experienced much of what I am about to write. And most of it won’t even be an answer
to your question but nevertheless I will take the opportunity to share some of my testimony. As you read this you might
start to think that I think you are now like I was… (that’s kinda hard to break up that sentence on paper lol) Please don’t think that because I don’t.
It seems that your motivation of question is for the right reason and that’s good. I am only telling you where I’ve come from to help you understand
where I am today. To help you understand what has brought me to this place I would like to get you a message that I have listened to called
“TrueFaced” it is a great book and I have it in message form. (One of the Authors spoke about it in a meeting) it is rather large file so I can’t
transfer it via email but I want you to hear it.
So here is a 101 history lesson on Josh.
I’ve realized that most of what I have been taught all my life has been a form of godliness but denying its power.
I’ve been a Pharisee, a religious hypocrite. I grew up in church all my life. Learning how to mask my sin and
appear to be holy for the approval of God and man. (mostly man) Always jumping and dancing in church close
to the front so people can see me. And people were always eager to come up to me and tell me how much I bless them with my worship.
I became addicted to being out front and hearing how “good” I was. In my striving to please God and man I
began placing restrictions on my self in order to obtain godliness. I had heard of great men like Smith Wigglesworth
and Charles Finney who seemed to walk in a realm of God’s glory. I read about their lives and what they “did” and began
to copy that thinking that would earn enough of God’s approval to have what they had. I omitted TV and Video games as a whole
so that I could walk into rooms and people fall out under God’s power. We’ll of course that never happened. I got burnt out on
that and stopped trying and just decided to believe that God was pretty well always disappointed in me and angry with me.
All the working and striving for this powerless religion we call Christianity has been exhausting and for nothing. I’ve never seen
a miracle that I can say was definitely one. I’ve never heard an audible voice. All I’ve seen all my life is people making stuff happen.
Like preachers yelling, praying loud so it sounds more anointed, pushing people on the floor so they “fall out”. Phew it’s been rough.
In the past year I have had every belief I have ever believe shaken to the core. I have come to nearly hate everything about our man made
Christian religion. Everything about my life in relation to church form and religion has nearly turned me agnostic. So one day I took this
huge piece of glass we call Christian Religion and smashed it on the ground. After all was trashed and smashed and broken there was
the Father looking at me saying “Hey buddy, you’re the man… and I love you.” From there I began to see the true character of the Father.
Always in a good mood… never angry with me or disappointed in me because I’ve failed him. I then began to pick up pieces of this glass
that I felt were real and good and the true way\nature of God and what He wanted Christianity to be all about. Games, Movies, Entertainment
and things of that nature are one of those pieces of glass that I have not yet come to… I’ve been scared in re-gathering what I believe for fear
of acting out of works and\or religion. As John Lynch said on TrueFaced, Pleasing God is an incredibly GOOD longing! It just can’t be our primary motivation…
I’ve lived my life so long in the pleasing God mode that I am still trying to sort out motives for doing right. As long as your motives for any change
are not based on trying to keep God happy or pleased but based out of relationship with him…. well then… dang I still can’t answer your question.. : )
Sorry not much facts about the question here… or good arguments… or even any scriptures…!! buuuuut that’s where I am. I do think that your points on hearing your kids say those things and the feelings you have about it are VERY valid and should not be ignored. You are going about it the right way. In the multitude of council there is wisdom.
I have thought about that very question many many times over. And my answer is….. ???
Sorry I don’t have much to say on the actual question… : )
So how can I get this TrueFaced message to you?
Love ya Friend,
Josh
Hey Bob,
Sorry, to take so long to get back to you – no Internet at home these days. I thought you explained your dilemma well. I agree with much of what Drew had to say. There is definitely a difference between a shepherd and a fence. In an old Church of God statement of beliefs there were two sections, one doctrines and one practical commitments. Practical commitments were much like fences to protect believers and keep them safe – to keep out evil. Unfortunately, they also sometimes keep out good.
Clearly there is evil in the world. When should we put up a fence? Do I shop at Wal-mart if Wal-mart supports such and such? Should you interact with me if you know that I sin? Should you allow your child to play with your neighbors children who play Pokemon?
Typically, parents place substantial fences around their children when they are young and gradually withdraw those fences as the child grows in maturity and the ability to assess and manage danger for themselves. I am speaking in ideal terms for the parents here – nothing is executed completely perfectly. Also, the rate at which different children grow in maturity is not identical. Regardless, one day the parental fence is gone.
How do we decide what day that will be? Can a fence truly keep out evil? Convents and Monasteries and isolated communities try to keep evil out, but history has shown us that they fail. Within their walls sin remains unabated – only it becomes more incestuous in nature. Perhaps you have been to a small denominational church which has become isolated and turned inward, it’s members only able to minister to each other and unable to in a positive way relate to the outside world – always a taste of dying in the background? Some sins are in fact greatly alleviated in the removal of walls as exampled in prisons where many males will engage in homosexual activities which after leaving a reported 85% will completely discontinue.
As adults we do not have parental fences around us. We decide if we are going to watch a movie, if we are going to ingest high fructose corn syrup, if we are going to pick up a gun. If I go to Wal-mart some of the profit they make off my purchase will go to fund causes I disapprove of. But if I go to my farmer neighbor and buy tomatoes the profit he makes off my purchase will go to finance the good and the bad in his life as well. If I do not ingest high fructose corn syrup I will very likely improve my health, but I will still have a thousand more food decisions ahead, many of which may outweigh the positive or negative effect of my decision about high fructose corn syrup.
How do I decide whether or not to watch a movie? When I spend my dollar where will the proceeds go? Am I looking for entertainment? Am I looking to be educated? Am I looking to be encouraged? Inspired? Am I looking to vicariously participate in a sex orgy? A killing spree? A communion with supernatural or demonic forces? Are some of these things okay in a book, but not a movie? Are some okay in the Bible but not in any other book? In life YOU WILL spend your money – you WILL be entertained – you WILL be educated – you WILL be encouraged – you WILL be inspired – you WILL have contact with the sexual activities of others – you WILL be affected by killing – and you WILL come into contact with spiritual forces.
Drew often has me over to his house. Sometimes when I visit I inspire him and other times I depress the hell out of him. Yet it is the same me. How does he decide whether or not to allow me into his house? God is perfect. Every time you allow Him into your house it will be good. But I am not perfect, nor is Drew, nor is Bethany, nor is your neighbor across the street. Before Eve was created God said it is not good for man to be alone. Adam not only needed God but he also needed Eve from God, by design. You need Eve… but Eve was not a clone… Eve became the mother of all living. You and I like Adam need not only Eve but everyone else too. In fact we are all tightly connected and part of the state of being human is that we need our fellow humans.
When you hear a knock on your door it is going to be either God or me and you need both. So, do you let me in every time? If I represent all of humanity then I will take and spend your money, I will entertain you, I will educate you, I will encourage you… inspire, sex, kill, spiritual forces, etc. It is the same with movies humans have made. One movie may educate, inspire, entertain and make you a witness to sex and violence. Another movie may not educate you, nor make you a witness to violence but only entertain. Which is better? One movie might contain ten items identified as bad and only one good, while another contains ten good and one bad. Which is better? What do we need? On what criteria do we judge?
I have seen what most would consider to be extremely innocuous movies which I find truly disturbing. And I have found what some would label horrible movies to in my eyes be innocent of everything but trappings. I have seen a child unphased by a war movie and yet deeply disturbed by birds eating baby sea turtles on a nature program. Do we teach our children the difference between murder for the sake of revenge, and the willingness of a defender to meet violence with violence not out of revenge but to protect? It sounds simple, but do we also share with them that sometimes it is not simple? Do we share that information too soon? Too late? I have seen movies with sorcery portray clear distinctions between good and evil, and movies without sorcery portray no distinction between good and evil at all. Which is better for a child’s spirit? I have seen movies I watched once and would strongly recommend, but have no desire to watch again other than for the possibility of someone else’s benefit. Once good, twice bad. Some movies and media will try to defend a good cause with an argument that is a lie, while another source’s defense is a maybe even “anointed” example of defending the truth with truth. Are we able to help our children see through team spirit while still understanding that team spirit itself is not bad?
And what of volume? I believe there are times to binge even long binges, but is good programing eight hours a day, five days a week a good thing? Four hours a day? These days I watch a movie maybe once every two weeks or less and TV only at friends houses…. No rule, I just lost interest. What a tragedy to see a heroic endeavor and rather than be inspired instead only spend the rest of my life trying to live vicariously though a thousand imaginary heroic endeavors? But I do sometimes NEED inspiration. In C.S. Lewis’ Perelandra the demon which came to deceive Venus’ Eve did not attack with mere clever deceit. Even more critical to his attack was volume – he sought to fill her mind with endless warped drible. Not to take her out with one strong quick blow, but with a tidal wave built out of and endless stream of individual imperfect water droplets.
I believe fences are meant to be temporary. One of the most alarming conditions I see in conjunction with strong parental fences is a lack of teaching kids to understand what is actually going on in a movie good or bad. Not only to identify things with labels but to realize there is often good and bad in the same place, and to be able to sort the two with comprehension. That is a skill they will need in every area of their lives for their entire lives! People who cannot think for themselves will be thought for by others. Could your daughters for example understand the scope of this current dilemma? It might not be time for them to be as far along as you or I, but are they on pace? Of course we don’t all have the same pace and order in which we learn things….
And what of the question you brought up months ago about the real world? If you do not play a video game what will you do instead? A video game might teach hand eye cordination and multitasking, problem solving and teamwork, but what of the non-digital world? Will you still go to Disney this year? Have they ever been on a mission trip? Is it possible that serving others can be enjoyable? Or are only rollercoasters enjoyable and mission’s work about crucifying the flesh? Is life about entertainment? Are kids taught that entertainment is the only source of joy? Is it OUR only source of joy? Can serving God and His kingdom be fulfilling? What do they see in us? Do we put up fences and neglect to be shepards? Do we give fish and never teach to fish?
I like the flow chart idea but it seems like a lot of work. No pirated media here, bang!
Chris
…still working on the flowchart…haven’t forgot…will post here soon..probably two more weeks…ironically, my church is doing a series on decision making that directly applies to this conversation…I would like to hear the remaining two parts before I finalize my flowchart. BoB
I just finished the flowchart….you can view the flowchart and read about it at: http://oursearchfortruth.com/blog/?p=405
Please leave a comment and let me know what you think.
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