How do you value your friendships and relationships? If there was one quality above all other qualities important to friendship what would it be? Love? Smile… Okay, I concede that one. But love must be living, it must be a living fountain of water extending from the Living God – or it cannot endure.
What is the most important element in friendship? What could not be gone without beyond all other things?
I once knew a girl in whom I observed these qualities: She was maybe the kindest person I have ever met. She was so kind that I think she actually made every person she interacted with feel loved – whether they were close, or an acquaintance, or even those she was meeting for the first time.
She was beautiful, intelligent, talented and most of all she loved God. She loved God enthusiastically with her whole heart! She enjoyed worshiping God and would always be quick to dance in praise to Him at every worship opportunity. She seemed to hold nothing back.
She also invested herself in prayer and participated in leading prayer and worship meetings.
She was one of many leaders who found in their gift the place to lead and raise their voice in praise to God through spontaneous worship music – that is music that is both spontaneously not a pre-existing song, but a new song, with new words which are sung as worship and prayer to God – and in some places when God and his people draw close, even become through the Holy Spirit prophetic expressions received back from God to his people.
She seemed to have a heart fully bent toward God and dwelling in his presence – close to his heart and throne – to see and bring joy to his countenance and receiving the same in return.
Though I would not go so far as to say that God has favorites in any exclusive way, the best imagination of her position before God was as a favorite daughter who having completely won her father’s heart, trust and favor could if she were to ask have anything her heart desired from his throne room.
And here my imagination runs away with me… it seemed from my position that her favorite thing to do was to request hot coals from God’s alter – coals of revelation of God’s love, and joy, and peace, and forgiveness, and mercy, and grace, and beauty, and provision, and righteousness, and holiness, and even Eternal life! …and to bring those coals to others – to friends, family, acquaintances, the lost, to anyone willing to receive!
I cannot imagine a greater gift! …and I am blessed to know others who follow this same pattern.
Is there any other food we can less do without in life?
“Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and mind, and soul, and strength,” and “love thy neighbor as thyself.” These are the two great commandments.
Do have friends who bring you hot coals from God’s alter? Regularly? Have you ever received a hot coal from God’s alter that you were able to share with your friends? Do you often bring your friends hot coals? What about all of your relationships? Even with those who are only acquaintances, are hot coals exchanged between you?
This is my desire. I want my friendships to be those that exchange hot coals from God’s alter! Whether it be my closest friend with whom I interact daily or the acquaintance I exchange words with only once in my life time – this is the thing I hold most precious.
What do you hold most precious?
Tags: Chris, Christianity, Purpose
Chris,
When I asked myself the question, “What do you hold most precious?” the thought that immediately came to my mind is peace and joy, specifically the peace and joy I feel when I am with my family. When I am traveling (my job often keeps me away from home) I crave those moments with my family and when I am with them I relish every second.
Like you, I want my friendships to be “those that exchange hot coals from God’s altar” but I have few friendships that are actually that way. My wife and I often feel emotionally drained and physically exhausted after spending the day with friends or even extended family sometimes. I think some of the ‘blame’ could be placed on boundary and respect issues, like you mentioned in your recent “Respect List” post but part of it is something that is ‘broken’ with us.
We have come to enjoy our time with our immediate family so much and so effortlessly that I am afraid we have become weary of trying to maintain many of our other relationships. We know that God wants us to be ‘connected’ to other people but it seems like when we start to spend a lot of time with other people then our peace and joy at home begins to suffer.
I used to think it was that my wife and I are anti-social but I don’t really think that’s it anymore because there are some friends that we truly enjoy and that bring energy, excitement, and added joy to our lives. I have noticed though that those friends typically don’t “need” us to be happy…they are completely happy on their own. In other words, they have the same peace and joy within their own family. They like to spend some time with us but not all of their time. I think that is why I liked item #9 of your respect list so much. I am looking for friendships where I can spend time hanging out one night and then the next night just be honest and say “I just want to be alone with my family tonight” and not feel like I hurt their feelings or the friendship.
I feel bad admitting this because it can easily be translated as “I don’t like ‘needy’ people” and as a Christian I should probably be seeking needy people instead of trying to avoid them. What are your thoughts on this? Does anyone else feel like this? Am I really just anti-social or are there social butterflies that sometimes feel the same way?
The world’s worst friend, BoB
PS – One last rambling thought…..I am craving friendships where transparency is the norm…no one has to guess what the other is thinking. For me, that is the most stressful part of friendships…wondering if you have offended or upset the other person. It is so refreshing to have a friend that can just tell me, “You jerk, that was so rude, what were you thinking?” Its friendships like that where you can grow, you always know where things stand, and you know exactly how to make the relationship better because you each know what makes the other feel respected and what the other is thinking…even if you don’t agree. This takes a level of openness, honesty, and commitment that I have experienced with maybe 5 friends in my whole life (my wife is one those friends…thus the peace and joy I experience at home).
Sometimes my gifts allow me to receive “hot coals” for my friends, but that doesn’t mean they care about that. Hot coals can be used to ignite into fire passions, love, etc; but they also can simply just burn the receiving party if that person’s heart is not receptive. A lot of my friends are content with the hot coals they have and require little in addition. Most of my friends enjoy my company, but rarely would any of my friends answer that they needed me or that I was a source of hot coals. Most of the time I just pray for my friends and simply wait for future time that may be spent.
Concerning family however, it’s not just a nicety, it is my job to fan into flames the coals and embers that God has established in their lives. I am needed. I also enjoy this responsibility greatly. Also, my family is much more receptive to my hot coals than my friends are. I will always tend to focus my actions towards my family first: They are my primary responsibility but also my primary source of encouragement and fruit by sharing such coals.
It would be great to have deeper friendships (tons of coals), but all my friends have little need of this type of friendship. And need always has to preceed any change that will bring about fruition. It is a shame however when the ability to share such coals exists and action isn’t taken to promote this ability.
Hey Bob,
No real time to blog now, but I did want to respond to your question about draining people versus not draining people. This is a struggle I have as well. I know a couple of people who seem to have little struggle in this department. I know part of it for me is as you expressed earlier a “broken” element in me, but some of those stem out of life balance issues as well. One of my desires in life is to learn better how to mix the “weak and the strong” in this context. I have thought about the topic more but just wanted to reply briefly here.