Posts Tagged ‘Character’

Don’t forget to turn the Light on…

Tuesday, February 16th, 2010

As some of you know, I am a father of four wonderful children. This weekend I stumbled across an unusual picture my 10 year old daughter Haven drew and left laying on the couch in our living room…it was unusual because it was messy, didn’t show off her abilities, and seemed more chaotic than artistic or purposeful:

Haven's sketch of our house (drawn in the dark)

I could tell that it was supposed to be our house but I knew she was capable of more and asked her what the story was regarding the picture.  She told me that she was working on an assignment for Awanas, a Bible study for kids that she attends on Wednesday nights.  She showed me the assignment:

And then she showed me her second picture:

Haven's sketch of our house (drawn in the light)

I thought this was an awesome idea for teaching kids what a difference God’s light can make in our lives.  I asked Haven to explain what the lesson was trying to teach and it was clear that she understood. 

Haven paraphrased: “When we try to do things our way we usually make a mess of things and we can’t see things the way they really are or the way they should be but when we turn to the Bible for help God shines his light on our lives and we can learn how to do things His way, which is much better than our way.”

I think the verse the lesson used on the next page was:

Psalm 119:105 – “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path”

Although it’s not quite in line with the point of the lesson, the verse that came to my mind was:

1 Corinthians 13:11-12 – “When I was a child, I spoke and thought and reasoned as a child. But when I grew up, I put away childish things. Now we see things imperfectly as in a cloudy mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely.

I am thankful that Haven shared this with me.  It made me stop and ask myself, “Am I drawing in the dark?”

1 Peter 2:9 – But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light

Haven reminded me that the Bible serves as a light to show us what our lives really look like.  We so often want to compare ourselves to others instead of comparing ourselves to God’s standard.  We typically look for someone that is more selfish than us, or mismanages their money worse than us, or lies more than us, or doesn’t help others as much as us (etc.).  It might not be so bad if we compared ourselves to people better than us but our natural tendency is to compare ourselves to the worst examples of human behavior and then we can make ourselves feel better about our poor choices and thoughts.   That’s what living in darkness is all about….it’s us deceiving ourselves and setting our own ‘standard’ (that we simply adjust as we see fit).  However, when we go to the Bible we see a perspective that makes clear the foolishness of our ways and that shines a clear light on the reality of who we are and who God wants to help us to be.

The Bible serves many purposes but one of the primary purposes is to teach us how to live an abundant life full of good deeds.  All we have to do is open the Bible and let God’s wisdom give light to our eyes:

Psalm 19:8 – The precepts of the LORD are right, giving joy to the heart. The commands of the LORD are radiant, giving light to the eyes.

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Margin: A foundation for happiness

Thursday, December 24th, 2009

I was flying home from Indianapolis last week after a hard week of work and school.  I was exhausted and craving time with my family.   My plane was on the final approach for Atlanta and it was already dark so all I could see were the lights of homes and businesses spreading out all the way to the horizon.

I began to think about all the people, striving to own a little more land, a little bigger house, and a nicer car.  I started thinking about all the stress and anxiety that must exist just below me because of the down economy, strained relationships, hectic schedules, etc.  I also wondered how much happiness, joy, contentment, and fulfillment I was flying over.  I began to think about my own happiness and the goals I have set for my life and for my family.  I realized that what I am craving in life is not more money or success but simply time with my family (specifically time when I am not preoccupied with financial burdens, distracted by work, or cranky from exhaustion, stress, and personal commitments).

I realized that what I am craving is simply “margin”.  There are many definitions of margin but I am referring to this kind of margin:

“An amount beyond what is needed”

I realize that most people (including myself) rarely strive after margin.  We strive after promotions, bonuses, improvements, and upgrades (i.e. – a better paying job, a bigger house, a newer widget, etc).   Sometimes  we are trying to impress our ______, sometimes we perceive that we need a new ______ to make us happy, and sometimes we are just chasing after______ because we don’t know what else to chase after.

I listen to Dave Ramsey on the radio sometimes and one of the things I have noticed repeatedly is that when people call in to announce amazing amounts of debt that they have paid off, it doesn’t seem to matter how much their annual income is….they all sound intensely happy.  Why are they so happy? They are typically earning the same annual income now as they were before they were out of debt so the only good explanation I can come up with is MARGIN.  Now, whether they make $17,000 a year or $170,000 a year, they have “An amount beyond what is needed”.  I hear the extreme happiness in their voices and I know that what I should be striving for is not more but less.

It seems that the two prerequisites for margin are needing less (surplus) and wanting less (contentment).

SURPLUS – No matter how much money a person makes, if their monthly expenses consume all (or more) of their monthly income then they will usually be stressed out and unhappy.  Margin by definition is having a surplus.  We would all like to make more but that is much harder to accomplish than making changes so that we will need less.

CONTENTMENT – a feeling or state of being satisfied with one’s possessions, status, and situation in life.  Nothing changes in our external world, we simply have a new perspective that makes us appreciative of what we have instead of focused on what we don’t have.

This idea of margin is not limited to our finances.  For example, my wife and I found that our family was suffering from having no margin in our schedules about a year ago.  It took some time to implement the changes but we were able to free up time in our schedules by cutting out things that didn’t add value to our relationships or our goals.  Free time = margin in our schedules = peace.

As we head into this new year, I hope for myself, my family, and for each of you, a year of increased margin in all areas of life.

Blessings, BoB

PS – Just a couple last thoughts on this topic:
I am not suggesting that we should avoid taking better jobs or making more money…we should just try to lower our “marginal propensity to consume”.  A bigger shovel is better but not if the pile we have to scoop becomes too heavy to lift :-)

I am also not suggesting we should avoid responsibility or commitments…we should just make sure we set boundaries regarding our time so that we are committed to and responsible for the things most important to us instead of every distraction the world puts in front of us.  We are called to be good stewards..not just with our money but with our time, talents, relationships, and other resources.
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Is it possible to please God?

Monday, December 7th, 2009
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What’s on Bethany’s mind: What does God “highly esteem”?

Thursday, December 3rd, 2009

SuccessI came across this in my reading today, and the second part of the verse really jumped out at me.

Luke 16:15  And he said unto them, Ye are they which justify yourselves before men; but God knoweth your hearts: for that which is highly esteemed among men is an abomination in the sight of God.

So what do you all think “for that which is highly esteemed among men” is referring to?  Hmm . . . things highly esteemed among men . . .

I asked my older two children to name some things they think are highly esteemed by men.  It was interesting to hear from a child’s perspective what they think are the most valued things by adults.  Here are some of their answers:

Fame (For Being an Athlete, Movie Star, Politician, or Really Smart Person)

Wealth (Fancy House, Fancy Cars, Expensive Jewelry)

Success (Everyone thinks you rock)

Sports

Fitness

Good Looks

Love

Center of Attention

Career

Wardrobe

Glamorous Lifestyle (Travel, Fine Dining, Yachts)

So anyway,  it got me to thinking.  We are so “programmed”  and brainwashed by our culture to value the same things the rest of the “world” values.  It makes me wonder . . .  how much of what we are unconsciously ( and even worse, CONSCIOUSLY) striving for does the Lord see as an abomination?  I have a feeling that most of what we place importance on God sees as idols in our lives.  I am wondering from all of you, what do YOU think this verse means?  What do YOU think ” the things highly esteemed by man”  in the verse is referring to?  What do you think God “highly esteems”?


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Contrast: Nidal Hasan vs Pervaiz Masih

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

I was doing my routine scan of today’s headlines and stumbled across a video on CNN that I think is the ultimate contrast to the recent events at Fort Hood.  Instead of a wealthy, educated, Jihadist targeting non-Muslims, this story is about a poor, illiterate, Christian saving Muslims – both died living out their faith.  Not sure if it fits in with the other content on this site but I thought it was worth passing on:

Here is another video I found on YouTube (not in English but gives a better view of what that day was like):

Just for reference…here is a video of the massacre at Fort Hood:

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Decision Making Flowchart

Tuesday, October 20th, 2009

I know, I know, you have been eagerly anticipating the media flowchart follow-up post.   Well, here it is.  This post is in response to a previous thread…start HERE if you would like the background leading up to this post.

The Decision Making Flowchart

The Decision Making Flowchart

I won’t restate everything that has already been discussed, but in summary, I was looking for some guidance from my friends on how they evaluate what media (TV, Movies, Computer Games, etc) they decide to watch and what media they decide to allow/encourage their children to participate in.  As part of the discussion, I asked everyone to come up with a “flowchart” that visually captured their decision making thought process.  (Nobody seemed to like this idea primarily because each individual scenario is so unique and the Bible is just not that clear about specific situations, especially involving media choices, since none of those options were available to people of Bible times)

I have decided that my original scenario was too specific.  I got to thinking that there must be some general guidelines available to help us make most any decision, including media decisions.  I did some searches on the Internet and found lots of interesting ideas but, coincidentally, or providentially (depending on your worldview), the church I attend started a series the week of that post called “Your Move”, which I feel best addressed my question of all the ideas I was exposed to.  I have incorporated those ideas and some of my own to create my “Decision Making Flowchart”.

However, before I get to the flowchart I want to share one of the quotes (by Frank Outlaw)  I stumbled across while researching ideas for the flowchart:

Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

I thought this was an interesting idea.  Our decisions are guided by our thoughts.  If we want to make good choices than we have to start with good thoughts. Our thoughts are tied to our beliefs and how we see the world (our worldview).  I will probably discuss this idea more in a future post.  For now, I just want to draw attention to the idea that my decision making flowchart should work well for anyone, but if your view of reality is flawed, and you put flawed thoughts into the steps of the flow chart, you will get flawed recommendations out.  With that in mind, here is my latest draft of the flowchart:

The Decision Making Flowchart

The Decision Making Flowchart

God takes full responsibility for a life wholly yielded and devoted to Him – Charles Stanley

Notes on the four questions:

1. Am I being completely honest with myself?  (Why am I doing this, really?)

The point of this question is to help you identify your true motivations.  Before you can make a wise decision you have to make sure you are dealing honestly with reality and your emotions.  To help expose if you are being honest with yourself or deceiving yourself, you could ask yourself, “Why do I want to do this, really?”

2.  What story do I want to tell?

Someday, when you are recounting the story of this decision to your friends and family, what story do you hope you will tell?

3. Is there a tension that I need to pay attention to?

If you feel a tension regarding one of the options, don’t suppress it, make it as big as you can in your mind and deal with it.  The tension is probably real…is your decision illegal, is it going to potentially hurt someone physically or emotionally, is it dishonest or selfish…if you feel some tension, make sure you understand why…and DON’T IGNORE IT!

4. What would be most honoring to God?

This question doesn’t apply to you if you are an atheist but for the rest of us, this question often immediately makes the best decision clear (but not always easy).

Please leave a comment if you found this useful, flawed, or irritating.  If you have a great idea for a modification or enhancement please let me know.

The flow chart is built primarily from concepts I learned while attending North Point Community Church.  You can learn more about the four questions in the series titled “Your Move“, available for free from North Point Community Church.

The final question about “what is the wise thing to do” comes from a series titled “Best Question Ever”, click on the image below to order the DVD:

I realize the flowchart is not technically correct in the use of the symbols and connections but I found a simplified flowchart to be more effective for the purposes of this post.  If it really bothers you please feel free to “fix” my flowchart and I will post yours as well.
Blessings, BoB

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Integrity-The Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality

Thursday, October 1st, 2009

I have been reading “Integrity – The Courage to Meet the Demands of Reality” by Dr. Henry Cloud (the same guy who wrote “Boundaries”).  I still have a ways to go but I thought I would start posting some of my notes here in case anyone is interested.  The notes were originally written for me as “memory helpers” so they my seem a little scatter-brained or overly summarized…but if you take your time and think about each topic there is a wealth of wisdom in much of what Dr Cloud has to say.  If you would like more meat I would encourage you to purchase his book.

Here are my notes (please reply to this post if you have any questions or comments):

(more…)

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