Posts Tagged ‘Chris’

Respect List

Saturday, January 16th, 2010

I recently read the book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No – by Henry Cloud.  The book is an excellent resource for those who do not see or measure personal relationship boundaries clearly.  It was a benefit for me, but it also left me with the feeling of a missing link.  Others can attempt to infringe upon our boundaries at different times and in different situations for different reasons.  And it is good to be on guard against these infringements, but that knowledge alone, despite the books character examples, only seems to offer a blueprint for reactive handling of boundary infringements.

I have boundary trouble with a few people in my life.  One of those people is my mother.  While reflectively asking myself what kind of boundary policies I might adopt in my relationship with my mother I realized the trouble was not so much with specific, isolated boundaries that might be breached as much as it was why they were breached.  I realized two things:  one, that I needed her to respect me in a couple of ways that she does not comprehend; and two, that she unconsciously looks to me and others to meet needs in her life which cannot actually be met by us.  Namely, she has a need to find a greater sense of being loved and finding fulfillment in life that no person can give her, but which she will only be able to find in welcoming a deeper, personal relationship with God as her loving and active Father, whose deep waters alone are sufficient to meet each of our longings.  A compounding difficulty, she has also for many years, led a lifestyle that has wielded social isolation.

I love my mother, and the goal of boundaries is of course to set parameters in relationship such that healthy interaction can be achieved while the danger of abuse, or the ultimate but sometimes necessary boundary of severing a relationship can be avoided.  A severed relationship is something I find unlikely to be necessary with my mother, but in reflecting on what kind of boundary polices I might adopt with my mother, and feeling that Cloud and Townsend had left out a “missing link” I stumbled into a conversation in which the question of what offends a person was brought up.  While I would normally say that not much of anything actually offends me, I suddenly had this epiphany – probably in part due to recent interaction – that my mother actually does do a couple of things that really do get under my skin and really do offend me.  Although I cannot say that my thinking was very linear, later, as I attempted to put pen to paper on specific boundary ideas regarding my mother I began to think on the things she did which offended me, and instead of making a list of boundary ideas I made a list of specialized points on which I desired her to respect me.  As soon as I did this the “missing link” in the boundary equation came clearly into the light….

What I need in my relationships is respect, not boundaries.  Boundary setting is an excellent health measure to take in relationship with those who do not understand respect completely enough to fully “do to others as you would have them do to you;” but it is not a desired result – it is a stepping stone.

The difficulty in making specific, isolated boundaries against random boundary incursions is that these individual boundaries can seem arbitrary.  In considering such boundaries I had an awareness that under different conditions and with different individuals I had no desire to hold these same boundaries.  Thus, I realized that it was not specific actions which I considered to necessarily be boundary breaches in a relationship, but rather that I need to place boundaries between myself and the actions of those who do not offer me a fully respectful relationship.

All of this said, what I have really wanted to share is my concept of a “respect list.”  I created a specialized list of points on which I need my mother to respect me in order to find a healthy relationship.  I will not share that list, but I next went on to create a more generalized list of points on which I need to find respect in all my relationships in order for those relationships to be healthy and not necessitate special boundaries.  This list applies to everyone from my family and closest friends, to my most loose outer circle of acquaintances, and those I am meeting for the first time.  Some of these are points which are specially important to me and others are points which I do not generally experience problems with but which I must include as generically imperative.  My list is as follows:

I need those who desire healthy relationship with me to grant me respect:

  1. not to belittle or demean me
  2. to have true commonality with me as a platform for co-creativity – this means we have to have something in common for our relationship to work, either we are family members, or we are drawn together by mutual enjoyment of certain activities, or we benefit from one another’s thinking and creativity – it is not possible to be in close relationship with everyone – we must not try to be like someone else, or compel others to be like us in order for relationships to work – we can accept others with respect and even admiration as members of our outer circle of friends or even acquaintances without needing them to be close to us in order to find value and benefit in the relationship – the truth is that we as individuals need not only inner circles of close friendships, but also outer circles of looser friendships and acquaintances – these in being different from us may keep us more fully in contact with the diversity, vastness and functionality of the whole and bigger world which we might otherwise struggle more difficultly to understand and flourish in without their help, even through less regular interaction
  3. not to overburden me with needs that are not meant to be met by me – this can manifest itself in different ways, but it essentially means that as adults we are not meant to be each others parents – everyone needs someone to hold their hand sometime – romantically this could be everyday, but as a state of crisis it cannot – we all need more love than any one person can give us – and not only do we all need more than one friend can give us (e.g. a husband needs more than just a wife, and a wife needs more than just a husband), but we also need to know and feel God’s active love for us personally, and to come to enjoy reciprocating that love
  4. to be honest – not to hold back, hide or lie – learning how to manage the truth after it has been spoken is a skill – but no relationship will prosper without it
  5. to root for me – if you are my friend I want to see good things for you – likewise you should rejoice in the same for me
  6. to encourage me – we all need this – in some cases positive language endorses this to the extent that it becomes hollow, don’t do that, but you know…
  7. to direct me to God – we all need this, and I value it more than I can even express
  8. to maintain healthy boundaries against me – no one has perfect vision and we all misstep at times – protect yourself against me! – in doing so we will both be happier
  9. allow me to be honest without severing relationship – I am desperate for those who speak the truth – you will not harm but only enhance the relationship you have with me by speaking the truth – likewise please grant that I may speak the truth without fear that you will want to terminate the relationship
  10. to communicate clearly – (this added just before print) – if you have a doubt as to whether I understood something you said – make sure – ask me – we filter things through our perspective, sometimes we interpret nearly opposite an intended meaning – don’t make your words too few – believe in communication

These same respects that I seek in others also apply to me.  If I am in relationship I desire to grant these respects.  In relationships that do not grant these respects I will probably need boundaries.  Boundaries can come in several forms such as limiting time spent with a specific individual, not sharing the sensitive things in one’s heart with a specific individual, not discussing certain topics with a specific individual, or learning to say “no” to certain requests from or activities with specific individuals… but that is another topic.

Here, I merely desire to share my personal discovery into when boundaries are needed in my life – and it has been my discovery that I need boundaries when there is a lack of respect.  I stumbled into the creation of a repect list with my mother, and from there went on to create another list in regard to all my relationships – both have been helpful.  I have also discussed the possibility of creating a respect list for choosing a church, and even viewing poor health choices as breaches of respect for one’s personal health.  There are probably many possibilities.

Is it possible that an exploration into boundaries or a respect list could be helpful to you in your relationships?


  • Share/Bookmark

Hot Coals From God’s Alter

Saturday, January 16th, 2010

How do you value your friendships and relationships? If there was one quality above all other qualities important to friendship what would it be? Love? Smile… Okay, I concede that one. But love must be living, it must be a living fountain of water extending from the Living God – or it cannot endure.

What is the most important element in friendship? What could not be gone without beyond all other things?

I once knew a girl in whom I observed these qualities: She was maybe the kindest person I have ever met. She was so kind that I think she actually made every person she interacted with feel loved – whether they were close, or an acquaintance, or even those she was meeting for the first time.

She was beautiful, intelligent, talented and most of all she loved God. She loved God enthusiastically with her whole heart! She enjoyed worshiping God and would always be quick to dance in praise to Him at every worship opportunity. She seemed to hold nothing back.

She also invested herself in prayer and participated in leading prayer and worship meetings.

She was one of many leaders who found in their gift the place to lead and raise their voice in praise to God through spontaneous worship music – that is music that is both spontaneously not a pre-existing song, but a new song, with new words which are sung as worship and prayer to God – and in some places when God and his people draw close, even become through the Holy Spirit prophetic expressions received back from God to his people.

She seemed to have a heart fully bent toward God and dwelling in his presence – close to his heart and throne – to see and bring joy to his countenance and receiving the same in return.

Though I would not go so far as to say that God has favorites in any exclusive way, the best imagination of her position before God was as a favorite daughter who having completely won her father’s heart, trust and favor could if she were to ask have anything her heart desired from his throne room.

And here my imagination runs away with me… it seemed from my position that her favorite thing to do was to request hot coals from God’s alter – coals of revelation of God’s love, and joy, and peace, and forgiveness, and mercy, and grace, and beauty, and provision, and righteousness, and holiness, and even Eternal life! …and to bring those coals to others – to friends, family, acquaintances, the lost, to anyone willing to receive!

I cannot imagine a greater gift! …and I am blessed to know others who follow this same pattern.

Is there any other food we can less do without in life?

“Love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and mind, and soul, and strength,” and “love thy neighbor as thyself.” These are the two great commandments.

Do have friends who bring you hot coals from God’s alter? Regularly? Have you ever received a hot coal from God’s alter that you were able to share with your friends? Do you often bring your friends hot coals? What about all of your relationships? Even with those who are only acquaintances, are hot coals exchanged between you?

This is my desire. I want my friendships to be those that exchange hot coals from God’s alter! Whether it be my closest friend with whom I interact daily or the acquaintance I exchange words with only once in my life time – this is the thing I hold most precious.

What do you hold most precious?

  • Share/Bookmark

Why I reject Faith Theologies…

Monday, November 23rd, 2009

I recently asked the question of a few of my friends, “what is the heart of witchcraft?” One, cited rebellion and pride. Another, rebellion, pride and fear. Another, control. I myself felt a strong inclination toward manipulation.

What followed in the different instances was a connection of these ideas or roots. Is the root of pride fear? Is the root of rebellion and manipulation control? Do we as humans often seek control to assuage our fears?

But I had a motive in asking my original question. There is a practice in the Church that reminds me of witchcraft, and here I quote my original postulation:

“Here is the rub. I consider Faith Theologies to basically be witchcraft. I believe it starts from a fear base that desires control (rather than trusting). This desire for control leads to creating formulas rather than trusting in relationship – thus scripture says ‘ask’ and faith theology says ‘claim.’ Or it turns faith into the idea of ‘power’ rather than simply trusting. Prayer becomes a + b = c, guaranteed. Having or doing a + b always yields c as a formula. It is more like casting a spell than speaking to, petitioning and trusting a God you are in relationship with – an inability to come to terms with not having power and control, and having to totally, one hundred percent trust, rely and depend on someone else. Even a return to being saved by works instead of faith because it makes faith itself into a work. But we are saved by grace, not faith. And grace is a free gift we have no control over and which we cannot take or earn, but only receive.”

“If a + b always equals c, and we have a and b, then we do not need God!”

There is much more detail that could be expounded upon, but here is the gist: ‘a’ can equal a promise from God, ‘b’ can equal faith, and ‘c’ can equal a desired result.

There is a bit that can be said of each. Regarding ‘a;’ what has God promised? There are several scriptures from which different ideas can be formed. John 14:13 “I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.” James 4:2-3 “…You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.” Mark 10:35-45 gives a good illustration of James’ passage.

Regarding ‘b;’ it is simple to understand ‘b’ as symbolizing faith. But remember where faith comes from, Eph. 2:8 “it is the gift of God-.”

Regarding ‘c;’ a desired result? A car? A house? To be debt free? Physical healing? Spiritual healing? A place of leadership as James and John requested? Does physical disease ever lead to spiritual healing? What are proper priorities, and what are misplace priorities?

God both invites us to understand him, Isaiah 1:18 “come now, let us reason together,” and at the same time lets us know that we cannot understand Him, Isaiah 55:9 “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

Insert: 1 John 4:10 “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”

Is it possible that an all powerful God which we cannot control loves us?

What is proper relationship with Him?

Matthew 21:22 “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

If trust and faith and belief are the same, then is our faith the kind of faith that ‘claims’ or the kind of faith that ‘asks’?!

Give me your thoughts?

  • Share/Bookmark

Faith Theology Dynamics vs. Healthy Relationship Dynamics

Sunday, November 22nd, 2009
Check out the guy's faith bicep!

Check out that guy's faith bicep!

In Luke 4:18-19 Jesus reads from Isaiah 61 and declares His purpose:  “The Spirit of the Lord is on me, because he has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to proclaim freedom for the prisoners and recovery of sight for the blind, to release the oppressed, to proclaim the year of the Lord’s favor.”

Ephesians 4:11-16  “It was he who gave some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to be evangelists, and some to be pastors and teachers, to prepare God’s people for works of service, so that the body of Christ may be built up until we all reach unity in the faith and in the knowledge of the Son of God and become mature, attaining to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ. Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.”

I have long struggled with some of the concepts of faith theology.  I ask myself what is the motivation?  And, is that the way real relationships are supposed to work?

I have chosen five faith theology concepts which bring questions to my mind:

Concept One:  Claiming.  This is the institution whereby faith theology practitioners, based on the concept that Jesus in his death and resurrection immediately reclaimed for believers all the fruit of a fully reconciled relationship with God, can simply by faith claim any “good thing” for which they feel they want or need.

Concept Two:  Believing.  This is the practice whereby faith theology adherents follow such scriptures as Matthew 21:22 “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer,” as stand alone scriptures to ask for something from God, and in the truest sense of a verb begin actively “believing” they will receive their request as the primary catalytic or generative element of the receiving process.

Concept Three:  Multiplication / Sowing and Reaping.  This is the idea based on scriptures such as Galatians 6:7  “…A man reaps what he sows,” Mark 4:8, “…multiplying thirty, sixty, or… a hundred times,” John 12:24 “…if [a seed] dies it produces many seeds,” Luke 6:38, “Give and it will be given to you…” and Matthew 25:15-30 that something does not come from nothing – that in order to reap a harvest a farmer for example must first plant a seed, and further that children of God who plant seeds can expect to receive back their investments multiplied multiple times.

Concept Four:  Repetition.  This is the belief and practice based on scriptures such as Romans 10:17 “…faith comes from hearing..,” 1 Thessalonians 5:17 “pray continually,” and to some extent the story of the persistent widow Luke 18:2-8 in which a believer’s faith in a scripture or positive confession is believed to be strengthened through consistent repetition of the scripture or confession.

Concept Five:  Faith Pledges.  This is the practice of making a (usually) financial pledge to God toward a certain cause in which the pledger generally does not immediately have the financial means to fulfill the pledge, but believes “in faith” that they can make a valid positive confession or that God has led them to pledge the specified amount and will in fact within the specified time frame specially supply that amount to them so that they can then return it to fulfill their pledge.

It is possible that these concepts might be identified or expounded upon with greater clarity, but hopefully these are reasonable working explanations.  The question I now want to posit is what would happened if each of these concepts were to be put into practice in our human and family relationships?  I have constructed a scenario for each concept:

Concept One:  Claiming.  What would happen if family members adopting the faith theology dynamic of “claiming” began “claiming” gifts, favors and services from one another rather than asking?  What is the likely outcome of thirteen year old James deciding to “claim” (without asking or waiting to receive permission) the family vehicle and funding from Dad’s wallet to buy movie tickets for double feature night at the movie theater for he and four of his friends?  Do any problems present themselves in this scenario?  Can James safely and legally drive?  Does Dad intend to use the money in his wallet for a different purpose?  Is that the most beneficial use of James time on a school night?   And… does James “claiming” allow positive room for two way communication and the receiving of wisdom and feedback from his father, or respect his father’s right to say “no?”

Concept Two:  Believing.  In the friendly negotiation of family vacation destinations two available options are the mountains and the beach.  Having been to the mountains last winter Jan wants to go to the beach this summer.  Dan, however, really likes the mountains and would like go to the mountains every vacation.  So, since he knows that family vacations are negotiated Dan asks Jan to change her mind and to choose the mountains again rather than the beach.  Then, since Dan is an adherent of the faith theology dynamic of “believing,” Dan feeling that he can make certain things happen by “believing” begins to “believe” that Jan will change her mind.  Is there a problem here?  What Dan wants is something that has to do not with himself alone, but also Jan.  What he wants he cannot directly accomplish by himself alone.  Dan can choose his tastes and preferences but he cannot choose Jan’s for her.  If Jan had told Dan that she also wanted to go to the mountains Dan could choose, based on his knowledge of her, to “believe” that is what Jan really wanted.  But, for Dan to choose to “believe” that Jan would change to his choice after Jan has expressed a different preference, or in the case that Dan had not first investigated Jan’s preference at all, is for Dan to not place value or importance in Jan’s preferences.  Is it appropriate to “believe” (in a catalytic or generative way) something requiring another person’s participation that defies or does not even investigate their desires?

Concept Three:  Multiplication / Sowing and Reaping.  Tom’s eight year old son, Joshua has really excitedly asked for a bicycle for his birthday.  Money is a little tight for the family right now, but Tom does have the one hundred dollars necessary to buy Joshua a bicycle.  However, Tom has also been wanting a new one thousand dollar hunting rifle which he cannot afford.  Joshua’s request becomes just what Tom needs.  Since Tom is a believer in the faith theology dynamics of multiplication and sowing and reaping, Tom immediately realizes that he can plant a seed of one hundred dollars to buy Joshua a bicycle, and then via multiplication receive back “tenfold” his investment in a bicycle for Joshua to reap the one thousand dollars he needs to purchase a new rifle for himself.  What does this say about what Tom values?  Would Tom choose to buy Joshua a bicycle if he knew he would not receive back the multiplication necessary for his rifle?  Is that important?  What if at an earlier point in life Tom had operated from the same perspective to buy a two thousand dollar engagement ring for his wife, so he could then purchase a twenty thousand dollar fishing boat for himself?

Concept Four:  Repetition.  Suppose George wants to get married and meets a great girl named Sara.  After meeting Sara, George thinks to himself, “Sara is a great candidate for a wife.”  So, being a practitioner of the faith theology dynamic of repetition George decides he wants to marry Sara and begins repeating to himself daily, “I am going to marry Sara.”  When a first date does not go well, Sara decides that another date would not be wise.  But George has become convinced he is going to marry Sara and keeps repeating to himself, “I am going to marry Sara.”  A year later after George has invested a lot of energy in repeating to himself, “I am going to marry Sara,” he learns via wedding invitation that Sara is engaged to marry her home town sweetheart Charles.  After the wedding George, being a gentleman is happy for the couple, but struggles with the question, “how did Sara marry Charles when I ‘knew’ she was going to marry me?”  In what sense did George “know” Sara was going to marry him?  Was it on the basis of an honest and truth based relationship with Sara?

Concept Five:  Faith Pledges.  Imagine your good friend Phil has found a really great group travel deal for a summer vacation.  This travel deal is such a great price to such a great place that Phil commits to the agent to buy the whole twenty ticket package even knowing that he cannot alone cover the expense.  Phil is a believer in the faith theology practice of faith pledges and through this practice he really believes he will come up with the money for the trip.  So, in his enthusiasm Phil returns home and gathers all his friends and tells them of this great but expensive deal he has arranged for everyone’s summer vacation.  Then explaining that he has already committed to this package he asks each of his friends to make a “faith pledge” to come up with and pay for their individual shares for this summer trip to see and stay in ten chateaus in the French countryside.   Hearing Phil’s enthusiasm and description of the trip you become caught up in the idea and make a pledge which is beyond your practical means to pay for your families share in the trip.  At the end of the first pledge month reality begins to set in when paying the bills you realize you will have to tap into your family’s savings and eliminate entertainment from next month’s budget to cover this month’s pledge.  That is a bit expensive but the trip still sounds great.  When the end of the next month comes along you become shocked when you realize that since you have not inherited any unexpected funds you will have to completely exhaust your savings and leave a balance on your credit card to pay the currently due portion of your pledge.  Feeling that this is not an acceptable option for your family, you choose not to pay this month’s pledge portion and hope that next month something better might work out.  However, seeing Phil the next day you now have this nagging feeling that you “owe” him and the trip and everyone this amount of money which you cannot currently pay.  Is this debt feeling where you should be?  Has Phil as an influential leader in his friends lives used his influence to lead his friends into bondage?  If this scenario continues is it likely to affect the relationship between Phil and his friends?

Proverbs 16:2  “All a man’s ways seem innocent to him, but motives are weighed by the LORD.”

It may be that these scenarios immediately and easily represent relational dynamic difficulties that are also easily seen as problems in relating to God.  But if not let’s look at the use of the samefaith theology dynamics in our relating to God.

Concept One:  Claiming.  Perhaps you have heard a voice in a prayer meeting or a fellowship gathering speak, “I claim victory in Jesus name,” or “I claim healing in Jesus name,” or “I claim salvation for… in Jesus name?”  Or, perhaps in other contexts you may have even heard statements such as, “I claim financial blessing in Jesus name,” or “I claim wealth from the storehouses of God in Jesus name?”

There is some question between proponents and challengers of faith theology as to whether or not each of these items are in scripture immediately promised to those who have faith, and there are many scriptures addressing each side, but regardless of the application of faith and settling on the specifics of scripture promises it is important to note that all scriptures directed at the topic of receiving from God by faith use the term “ask,” not “claim.”  Matthew 7:7  Matthew 21:22  Mark 11:24  John 14:13,14,16  John 15:7,16  John 16:23, 24, 26

What is the significance of asking versus claiming?  The difference is in how many parties actually have a “say so” in a matter.  A claimer gives no party other than himself input, he simply makes an assertion in which he is at best being informative to other parties.  An asker, however, acknowledges another parties input in a matter.  An asker acknowledges that there is an outcome which is not set, and that the one who is asked has a choice in that outcome and how to answer a request… “Yes;” “No;” “Yes, but not today;” “No, but how about this instead?”   An asker is humble and acknowledges that his/her control over an outcome is limited and dependent on the input of the one asked, and not on themselves alone.

Just as James has a father who loves him, and is knowledgeable and experienced and has more resources at his disposal than does James – so we have a Father in Heaven, who loves us, and is omniscient and omnipotent.  If this is really our situation, in who’s hands does it seem better for the weight of the determination in an outcome of a matter to rest?  If we or James think it should rest on ourselves do we really expect to be able to enforce our less informed choices on the will of God or our father?  Could that possibly be good?

Concept Two:  Believing.  “I am believing God for a miracle… healing, a wife, revival, salvation, a husband, financial breakthrough, deliverance, blessing, favor.”  These are common phrases in many parts of the Church.  What does it mean to say, “I am believing God for a miracle?”  Does it mean I am hoping for a miracle?  Does it mean I am asking God for a miracle?  Does it mean I want a miracle?  Does it mean I know God is going to perform a miracle?  Does it mean I am going to use my faith bicep to make a miracle happen?  Does it mean that I believe God is going to perform a miracle because that is what I want Him to do, even though He has made no mention of it?  Or, does it mean that God has promised me the miracle that I am believing for and I am therefore trusting that He will fulfill His promise, just as He fulfilled the promise He made to Abraham?  If your answer is “faith bicep” please understand that you mean one of two things; either that you believe that your faith is an actual tangible power like magic or a superpower so that you can entirely accomplish the miracle yourself, or that what you really mean is that you can make God perform a miracle – since you acknowledge that you obviously do not directly have such powers yourself.

Relationship is two-way.  You can believe that the sky is clear and that rocks are hard without involving others.  But just as with Dan believing that Jan will choose to go to the mountains again, if you are believing God for a miracle either your faith is a type of power that can make God do what you want, or there has been communication between you and God such that you have received a promise from Him, or, unless you just happen to be believing something God either intended or is allowing the Enemy, nothing will happen because your believing is not a power but only the ability to trust in a promise from God which you have not received.  Remember, relationship and communication are two-way.  If believing is a power then you do not need God to exact miracles, but if it is not a power then God invites communication, Isaiah 1:18 “Come let us reason together….”  And remember his conversation with Abraham over the destruction of Sodom… He listens.

Concept Three:  Multiplication / Sowing and Reaping.  Ecclesiastes 11:1, 2  “Cast your bread upon the waters, for after many days you will find it again.  Give portions to seven, yes to eight….”  Luke 6:38  “Give and it will be given to you.  A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap.  For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.”  These are great words.  They are not meant to be a formula, yet they are true.

But where is the focus?  Is it on the giving or the receiving?  And where do we give?  Does God need my money?  If I give to a missionary do I give to him or her because they are doing work I believe in and want to contribute to, or do I give because I want a financial return on my money?  If I knew I would get no financial return on my money would I still give?  If the hungry are unfed and the poor are unclothed, do I give so I can multiply my bank account or because I want the hungry to have food and the poor clothed?  It is one thing to say that it is right to use our resources to feed the hungry even if there is no financial reward for doing so, but even more potent in the case of the giver is the question of which is more satisfying, to know the poor are fed, or to have my finances multiplied?!  It is the same with Tom and his son Joshua.  Does Tom buy Joshua a bicycle because he loves Joshua and wants to bring his son happiness?  Or does he buy Joshua a bicycle as a means to gain his own wants?  Which is the more deeply satisfying reward?  Which is the more highly motivating?  Should appeals to our giving be made to our self indulgence, or to loving our neighbor, the worthiness of an endeavor, and good judgment?  What if giving is sacrificial?  What if in order to give to another’s need I must go without my want or need?  2:3-4  Galatians 5:14

Acts 20:35  “… ‘It is more blessed to give than to receive.’”

Concept Four:  Repetition.  It is true as Romans 10:17 says, we cannot believe the Gospel if we have not heard it.  And, it is true that sometimes we forget things that we are not reminded of – even our beliefs.  Deuteronomy 6:8  “Tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads.”  But repetition is not always appropriate – Matthew 6:7-8  “And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words.  Do not be like them, for your Father knows what you need before you ask him.”  Repeating something you have trouble believing will not necessarily enable you to believe whatever it is you are repeating in a healthy sense, but for practical purposes it can brainwash you.  Brainwashing is not an alien concept it is utilized in many forms through repetitive advertising, and repeated dogma and forced supplications under conditions of torture and extreme duress and/or sometimes drug inducement by military and cult groups.  I have myself thought something a certain way for so long that only through prayerful reflection was I able to realize it was not as I had painted it in my mind.  But repetition does not create reality or true faith.  Faith is based on relationship.  We are able to have faith in someone because we trust their character.  We know their character because they demonstrate it to us by their actions.  If I decide to make and repeat a positive confession that I am God’s number one prayer and prophetic watchman in my town, it does not make me so, no matter how many times I repeat it.  Like George repeating “I am going to marry Sara,” yet not being in communication with her, confessing that I am God’s number one prayer and prophetic watchman is something that can only occur within an honest, diligent, truth based and two-way relationship with God; and walk in His calling on my life.  I may be able to succeed in making myself think I am God’s number one watchman, but that is not equivalent to believing, in relationship, God’s calling on my life.

Concept Five:  Faith Pledges.  Faith pledges are a not uncommon fund raising technique in many parts of the Church.  Fund raising is carried out for mission trips, for buildings, for television programs, for radio programs, for orphanages, for youth camps and a plethora of other causes.  Fund raising is an established practice, it has been done for religious causes throughout history as well as many charitable causes today.  David and Solomon did it for the Temple of the Lord, as did some of the family heads that returned to Jerusalem with Ezra, in his time.  But faith pledges are not simply fund raising.  Faith pledges are a specific type of fund raising.  In faith pledging a pledger does not merely give what he or she does have, as Paul exhorts in 1 Corinthians 16:2  “…set aside a sum of money in keeping with your income,” and 2 Corinthians 8:12  “…according to what one has, not according to what he does not have,” more specifically a faith pledger pledges what they do not have.  And this in the belief that it is an exercise of faith to commit oneself to something that cannot easily be fulfill without God’s help.  I know of no Scriptural examples of this.  But usually the commitment is framed in the form of a financial pledge “to God” and is encouraged by a leader or pledge driver/seeker who gives examples of desirable pledge amounts, often through examples of what others have pledged, or in sample written amounts, or the suggestion to ask God to speak an amount to the pledger.  It is possible for a lone individual to make such a pledge, but more often faith pledges involve both pledge makers and pledge seekers.  A pledge seeker collects pledges and a pledge maker gives pledges.  But why faith pledges rather than more traditional donations in keeping with one’s immediate ability?  Is it to build faith?  To receive a multiplication?  Is it God’s direction?  Is it desperation?  Or, is it because the amount needed is very great?  Or, possibly an already incurred debt?  Or, to fulfill a dream?  It is right for both the pledge seeker and pledge maker to ask themselves such questions.

In the case that God has directed pledge seekers to seek faith pledges, and pledge makers to make faith pledges, the outcome should fall easily within the provision of His abundance and grace.  But if faith pledging is not God’s intention, what are the consequences?  Has there been presumption without communication?  Has the pledge seeker misused his influence?  Have the pledge maker and pledge seeker been moved by the wrong motivations?

And, lastly, is the the same God who said, Matthew 6:34  “…do not worry about tomorrow,” James 4:13-16  “do not boast about tomorrow,”  Romans 13:8  “Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love…” Matthew 6:24  “No one can serve two masters…” and who gave His people the year of Jubilee to deliver them from debt, now desiring to draw us into a new financial debt relationship with Him?

Like Bono abbreviates, “the God I believe in is not short of cash,” Psalms 50:9-10 declares God’s abundance, “I have no need of a bull from your stall or goats from your pens, for every animal of the forest is mine, and the cattle on a thousand hills.”

Why should we contort ourselves in debt God may not be asking of us?

Motives and motivations?  What makes us tick?  Why do we do the things we do?  When I consider faith theology dynamics I ask myself this question of each concept.  In each of the human relationship scenarios what is the motive for action?  Is it love?  Is it justice?  Is it compassion?  What is God’s motivation in relating to us?

The human relationship scenarios are obviously designed to incorporate and illustrate difficulties, but does an understanding of absurdity in trying to apply these dynamics in our human relationships come through?  And, would we use these dynamics in our relationship with God?

Jesus declared the two greatest commandments:

Mark 12:30  “Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your mind and with all your soul and with all your strength.”

Mark 12:31  “…Love your neighbor as yourself….”

There is one guiding principle which underlies all healthy relationships – love.  It is the same standard with God as it is with men.

1 Corinthians 13 gives an excellent treatise on love and it’s behavior:

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.  If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.  If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.  Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.  It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.  Love never fails.  But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.  we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.  I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.  Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.  now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.”

As do also:

John 15:13  “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”

Philippians 2:3-4  “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourself.  Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Galatians 5:13-14  “You my brothers, were called to be free.  But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love….”

Rom 13:7-10  “Give everyone what you owe him: If you owe taxes, pay taxes; if revenue, then revenue; if respect, then respect; if honor, then honor.  Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law.  The commandments, ‘Do not commit adultery,’ ‘Do not murder,’ ‘Do not steal,’ ‘Do not covet,’ and whatever other commandment there may be, are summed up in this one rule: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’  Love does no harm to its neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.”

And how does God describe His motivation in relating to us?

Jeremiah 29:11  “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’”

Jeremiah 31:3  “…I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.”

John 3:16  “For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.”

How does this compare to the motivations of the players in each of the human relationship scenarios?

James wants money and transportation.  Dan wants Jan to want what he wants.  Tom wants money to buy himself a rifle.  George wants Sara to marry him.  Phil wants a financial commitment from his friends – and his friends want God to fulfill their financial commitments.

What is the common thread here?  The common thread is that they all “want” something.  They either want money or a material possession, or for another person to follow of their desires.

Deliberate though these sample scenarios may be, never is there a primary motivation or pursuit by any of the participants of:  “What can I do for someone else?”  Or, “How can I make my son happy?”  Or, “How can I bless my wife?”  Or, “What can I do for my friends or family?”  In each case it is individualized focus on what “I want.”  Or, in the case of Phil and his few friends possibly becoming what “we want” as a small group.  Never is it “how can I love my neighbor” – without looking for an outside return.

Were these concept scenarios examples of healthy relationship dynamics?  (or unhealthy?)

And what of the spiritual, God directed application of the faith dynamic concepts?  Are they healthy?

If these dynamics are unusable in our human relationships with those we love, how can they still be usable in our relationship with God whom we also love?

If our focus in relationship is only about what we want with no attention given to the other party then we are treating that person as little more than an appliance.

Do we treat God as an equal the way we would treat each other – or like a washing machine in which we insert detergent and dirty clothes and push a button to get clean clothes out?

Faith theology is focused on things – money and miracles – how to get what we want – not relationship – it has no application in regard to relationship.  It is focused on what we “can get” versus deepening our active relationship with God and walking in love.  As such, it offers itself to become the antithesis of healthy relationship with God.

What we want is not always helpful to our relationship with God.  In Luke 17 Jesus heals ten lepers who call out to him for healing, yet after being healed only one returns to give praise to God.

Is it possible that some things that seem always good to us may not be so – but that they might sometimes be hindrances?

Wealth?

After speaking to the rich young man in Matthew 19 Jesus turns to his disciples and says, verse 24, “…it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God.”

Health?

Matthew 18:7-9, “Woe to the world because of the things that cause people to sin! Such things must come, but woe to the man through whom they come!  If your hand or your foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life maimed or crippled than to have two hands or two feet and be thrown into eternal fire.  And if your eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than to have two eyes and be thrown into the fire of hell.”

Miracles?

Matthew 7:22  Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and in your name drive out demons and perform many miracles?’  I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, evildoers!’

Hebrews 12:1 urges, “…let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.”

When we choose to place faith in God there are three categories we can be clear about:  per the demands of Hebrews 11:6 – one; that God exists – two; that He is a rewarder – and three; per the highlight of His promise to Abraham in Romans 4:20, that He keeps His promises.

1)  God exists:  Rom 1:19  “…since what may be known about God is plain to them, because God has made it plain to them.   For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities – his eternal power and divine nature – have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.”

2)  He is a rewarder; God’s character is to do good to us:  Jeremiah 29:11  “’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.’”

3)  God keeps his promises:  Romans 4:18-21  “Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, ‘So shall your offspring be.’  Without weakening in his faith, he faced the fact that his body was as good as dead – since he was about a hundred years old – and that Sarah’s womb was also dead.  Yet he did not waver through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in his faith and gave glory to God, being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.”

The fourth category, however, is different.  It is not a promise on topics which God initiates, it is a promise about His response to requests we initiate – and there are qualifiers.  Category four must be understood, like the other categories, in connection, balance and context with all scriptures dealing with the same topic.

4)  Ask and it will be given to you:  Matthew 7:7-8  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who ask receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”

It would be easy to have a long discussion on this category, but it is simpler to say that God will not allow this promise to led in an inappropriate direction either in disregard to His sovereignty or in the excess of our imaginations.  Yet, it is still a promise….  Here are several scriptural qualifiers on this promise:

(1)  Belief – Matthew 21:22  “If you believe, you will receive whatever you ask for in prayer.”

(2)  Only good gifts – Matthew 7:9-11  “Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”

(3)  Agreement – “Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven.”

(4)  To bring glory to God – John 14:13  “And I will do whatever you ask in my name, so that the Son may bring glory to the Father.”

(5)  In Jesus name – John 14:14  “You may ask me for anything in my name, and I will do it.”

(6)  If we remain in Him and His words remain in us – John 15:7  “If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given you.”

(7)  To bear fruit – John 15:16  ‘You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit – fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name.”

(8)  Not with wrong motives – James 4:3  “When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures.”

(9)  If we obey His commands – 1 John 3:22  “…and receive from him anything we ask, because we obey his commands and do what pleases him.”

(10)  According to His will – 1 John 5:14  “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.”

(11)  If we know He hears us – 1 John 5:15  “And if we know that he hears us – whatever we ask – we know that we have what we asked of him.”

God wants us to ask. (Matthew 7:7-11)  But in relationship we must respect and remember that the same God who loves us and laid down His life for us also has the right to say “no.”  As Jesus with James and John:

Mark 10:35-40  “Then James and John, the sons of Zebedee, came to him. ‘Teacher,’ they said, ‘we want you to do for us whatever we ask.’ ‘What do you want me to do for you?’ he asked. They replied, ‘Let one of us sit at your right and the other at your left in your glory.’ ‘You don’t know what you are asking,’ Jesus said. ‘Can you drink the cup I drink or be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with?’ ‘We can,’ they answered. Jesus said to them, ‘You will drink the cup I drink and be baptized with the baptism I am baptized with, but to sit at my right or left is not for me to grant. These places belong to those for whom they have been prepared.’”

God is our healer.  He has healed many here on Earth, and will continue. (Psalms 103:1-5, Luke 4:18-19)  He has promised us good things, and answered many prayers. (Jeremiah 29:11)  He is not slow to keep His promises. (2 Peter 3:8-9)  But He has not promised all things today.  Today, He promises restored relationship and the fulness of His Holy Spirit to all who receive Him. (Ephesians 1:13-14)  But the redemption of our physical bodies has not yet come. (Romans 8:23)  Many things must come according to His timing which is beyond our complete comprehension. (Isaiah 55:8-9)

If we as children of God were to lay hands on the sick and ask God for and receive healing and miracles for everyone in the entire world, such that we were in a world devoid of pain but still full of sinners, would that be a good thing?  Hatred, violence, laziness, lust, greed but without consequences to indicate anything was wrong?  Would this be better?

We must be careful in our temptation to demand more:

Matthew 12:39  He answered, “A wicked and adulterous generation asks for a miraculous sign! But none will be given it except the sign of the prophet Jonah.”

1 Corinthians 1:22  “Jews demand miraculous signs and Greeks look for wisdom, but we preach Christ crucified: a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those whom God has called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God.”

What are the identifying concepts of a theology?  Of healthy relationship?

Here are the five identifying concepts of faith theology I have examined – claiming – believing – multiplication/sowing and reaping – repetition – and faith pledges.  In motive and practice I find each to be nothing more than the dressed up desire to “get what I want.”

In exchange consider five concepts in building healthy and love motivated relationships:

Communication:  Isaiah 1:18  “‘Come now, let us reason together,’” says the LORD. “‘Though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red as crimson, they shall be like wool.’”

Asking:  Matthew 7:7-8  “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who ask receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.”

Love:  Galatians 5:13-14  “You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’”

Honesty:  John 8:32  “…know the truth, and the truth will set you free.”

Responsibility:  Philippians 2:4  “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others.”

Matthew 10:39  “Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

In a recent church service the pastor spoke of the tragedy of performing a funeral for a man of great worldly success – great business achievements, wealth, a large house, nice cars.  But when it came to his family, it was difficult for any to speak on his behalf.  He had been purely success oriented in the business and material sense.  He had no deep friendships.  He had given little attention to his family, and the attention he had given had been difficult – he had sought self exultation.  His material achievements would be forgotten and his relationships had not the strength to be remembered with joy.

Father, let our hearts be in relationship…  Matthew 6:21  “For where your heart is, there your treasure will be also.”

Deuteronomy 30:19  “This day I call heaven and earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live…”

  • Share/Bookmark